Bat attack roundups are two things: frequently hilarious and Kris' personal baby. He rants and raves all around the WoW offices, demanding the mentally unstable take out their frustrations with baseball implements rather than the pedestrian ice picks and pool cues of yesteryear.
Once in while, a story comes across the Walkoff Wire that — even in the absence of the Bat Attack Godfather — must be told.
Decades of trucker hats, poorly-grown mustaches, and white people's disco has my irony detector in need of calibration. Still, the story of a teenage American soccer player attacked and beaten with a baseball bat in Denmark strikes me as slightly odd. From, for the first time in WoW history, the Copenhagen Post Online:
Nordjykse Media reports that the young man was with a group of other football players in the town when the unprovoked attack occurred shortly after midnight.An American teenager playing in the Dana Cup football tournament in town of Hjørring suffered a broken nose last night when he was attacked with a baseball bat by unknown assailants.
Aside from the health of the unfortunate victim of this senseless attack, the most pressing question from this story: where the hell in Denmark did someone find a baseball bat?
Denmark doesn't have a domestic baseball league, though they do have a softball baseball forbund. There is no Danish contingent at the ongoing World Junior Baseball Championships, though baseball powerhouses France and the Czech Republic threw down in Thunder Bay.
I'm struggling to think of a comparable stateside analogy. Rinku and Dinesh felled by cricket bats? Dysentery? Grant Balfour hitting the DL after a fan throws a boomarang out of the crowd? Landon Donovan missing time after a vicious purse-swinging incident?
Get well soon, unnamed American teenager. May your Danish assailants face the full force of the law, American-style.




